It Doesn't Feel Like Home
by Inu Kaiba
Summary: I tried so hard to save myself, and when I did, it didn't work. One-shot.


Inu Kaiba: Hello again from Inu Kaiba's World. This is completely, totally and solely my property this idea, it came to me on the bus. It's in P.O.V undecided as I map the beginning out. I don't even have a summary yet, and I'll type one in here so it's down and out. And the name was chosen because the school she goes to is a renovated house, but yet it doesn't feel like home… Get it?

Summary: I'm the one everyone picked on, and I go to school in a house, now. They say it helps, it doesn't. I try so hard at everything to get my mind off the fact that I don't have a friend in the world anymore. And if I'm ready to break down and cry… Who's there to save me? And despite how much I want to die, I don't now, so why am I dead?

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_It Doesn't Feel Like Home_

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It doesn't feel safe. I don't feel happy.

They sent me to this place, with a name like a shape.

They told me, it will help you.

It'll help you.

I couldn't forget my past however.

We were such good friends, Naraku and I.

Sure we had fights, and I can't say we had the greatest friendship terms.

After all, what kind of a friendship can it be when you hate one another's guts in school, and are the best of friends, going to the extreme of hugs outside of school?

It was that little event that got me in this shit centre.

They're all nice…

It just doesn't feel right…

I tried.

The day I walked in there, I made a friend. I liked him from the start.

His name was InuYasha.

No matter how many times he would put himself down, say he couldn't play video games…

He wasn't smart, though everyone silently know he had the best vocabulary of all of us, and tried much harder than any of us did.

I understood, why he did it.

Eventually though, I got sick of it.

And whenever he beat himself, I would tell him it wasn't true, he was much better.

But there came the day, in a friendly card game, with Ms. Michiko, a volunteer helper who was looking after us, since we were too rowdy to participate in either of the Gym classes.

He told me…

"I won't be here next year, I'm moving."

I repeatedly asked him questions, over and over, inside thinking if I asked him, or knew enough, it might not be true, it might not happen.

And I soon found out.

He could leave tomorrow, but a set date was November 21… It was a bit after my birthday, I believe the details are slipping my mind now, it's been so long, but the pain of the wound is still fresh.

He left early.

Much too early as it seemed that Friday afternoon.

We all wished him well.

Mrs. Matako appointed me as the one to keep in touch with him.

I gave him my e-mail.

And as he left, I hugged him good bye, I told him good bye, for what I knew was probably the last time I'd ever see him.

We have the picture Mr. Hartiko took still though.

Mr. Hartiko was nice and let me take a copy of one picture home, and I kept it safe and sound.

The day InuYasha e-mailed me, had been such a beautiful wonderful spectacular day.

For once in my life, I had had a good day.

But the moment I saw the sentence underneath I'm doing great.

The moment I read, "I have a new girlfriend."

I was in tears and it felt like someone was pouring salt in the still fresh wound of his departure.

I had loved the bastard.

But each line I read hurt even more than the last.

I was still trying to get over the fact that it wasn't me he loved anymore, if he had loved me, I thought he did.

He told me, she looked just like me, and how it felt so weird, he liked her more than a friend, or the average girl. A lot more. He said it was deeper than your average love, or at least he thought it was. He wasn't sure he loved her. He wasn't sure of a lot of things.

I couldn't reply to that no matter how many times I tried to write the first sentence… It just didn't work.

I loved the bastard and he broke my heart.

I told Mrs. Matako, that InuYasha had e-mailed me and he was doing fine, and had a new friend.

I couldn't bring myself to tell them that friend was his girl friend, and that he thought he loved her.

I don't know how I've made it through those weeks, and how I'll make it now.

I've put up with so much and I don't know how much more I can take.

I've written so much…

I just can't get my feelings out.

I have no friends these days.

I haven't made a friend after InuYasha and I see no point in doing so.

I try so very, very hard because if I stopped trying, I'd realize who I am, what I want that I can't have…

What I need.

I don't have a friend for a good reason.

They all bug me even Mr. Hartiko.

They all say, find friends who like the same things as you do…

How?

Why?

What for?

I have no wish to drive them away, or have them leave me in that painful way InuYasha has.

And Naraku has reappeared again.

He e-mailed me, saying I am your stalker, I know your name. He wrote my name in…

I replied, I told him, I know who you are, Don't be stupid.

He's written back.

He says, "I love you."

I say, "Screw off, I love someone else you bastard."

He hasn't replied in ten minutes. I shudder to think what has happened.

But I'll get to the point.

I have no friends, because I do not wish to hurt them when I'm driven to the edge and kill myself. It will happen one day when it's so bad, that I can't take it anymore.

That's why.

That may happen soon.

So I try so hard, to be distracted from the fact that I have nothing left to live for.

The door bell rang, and I wondered who it was.

Perhaps InuYasha, come to tell me he loves me more than his girlfriend.

I opened it, and it was Naraku.

"You broke my heart bitch, now I'll break yours."

The shot rang out through the air, and I was dead before I hit the ground.

No matter how many times I thought that I meant nothing to anyone.

I meant something to my teachers, my classmates, the few friends I had that I didn't realize I did have…

But the one I meant the most to…

Was InuYasha Taishou…

And when he heard I was dead…

He knew the sick act to make me jealous, was so very, very wrong.

And now he couldn't tell me how much he loved me, Kikyou Matsuri, no matter how much he wished to.

Dead ones tell no tales, and most assumed it was suicide.

Who knew Naraku killed me…

From the look in his eyes, when he saw him at that funeral, InuYasha knew he killed me.

It was too late, to express his love, but it wasn't too late to murder the murderer himself.

InuYasha walked over to him, slowly, and I watched from atop my grave.

The head angel had let me stay for a day or so, just to settle my heart.

InuYasha stood there in front of all those people.

And he killed Naraku.

"You sick bastard, I hope you go to hell. You killed her, and your in hell where you belong."

And he walked away into a life of nothing, where he'd wander for the rest of his sad long life.

Inu Kaiba: This turned out longer then I expected. And it all came from the line, I try so hard to forget the fact… And this fic is semi true, it's based on my life. There is a center that looks like a house, I do go there, I had a friend who moved, but I did not love him that was all exaggerated to make the plot more interesting, I have few friends, and I do try hard to forget the fact that Kandra isn't around at all these days. We made up, but she isn't talking, I believe she's grounded. I want to talk to her though, but that's where the line comes from, because I want to forget it all, so I can be happy for once. I hope Kandra comes back soon, so I know she's grounded, how long for, etc. And so she can review the updates.

**Don't forget to review and tell me you liked it, You hated it, It could have been better, You have ideas for how it could have been better, etc. Please review!**


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